The Dolls Must Die
by imdeadsothere
Summary: Arch enemies Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy discover that they have a common enemy. They join forces to destroy this evil force of sadistic, murderous... dolls? NOT SLASH. ONE-SHOT.


Authors Note: I do this for free so don't sue me.

Challenge by Pinky Green

--

"Damn them! Damn them all to _hell!_" Harry hissed to himself. He peeked out of the broom closet he was hiding in. They were still there. He quickly shut the door again.

_Maybe there's some secret passageway out of this broom closet_. He thought to himself. It was rather stuffy, and he was getting awful hungry, and there was no way on _hell_ he was going to go back outside past those... those things from _hell_.

_Hell seems to be the word of the day_. Harry thought, he began to feel along the walls, hoping for some magic entrance to appear. And one did.

It led into a tiny passageway, barely big enough for him to crawl through. Harry entered and began to crawl to God knows where.

Harry had been crawling for what seemed like forever. Finally he saw an opening, he crawled faster. He got his head out the opening.

"Stop where you stand!" Some voice came screaming out of the darkness. Harry turned his head. Draco Malfoy looked positively ridiculous.

"You know, I'm not actually standing," Harry commented.

"Oh, it's you," Malfoy grumbled.

"Who'd you expect, the evil doll from hell," Harry mumbled, moving the rest of himself out of the crawlspace.

"That, is _exactly_ who I was expecting," Malfoy said.

"You're afraid of a _doll?_" Harry asked surprised.

"Yes, do you have any problem with that?" Malfoy said.

"Nope, none at all, dolls scare the crap out of me too,"

"They do?" Malfoy exclaimed, "Yes!" he yelped, sounding like he had just found out that Christmas had come early. "Now you must help me destroy them,"

"Destroy the dolls?"

"Yes, the dolls, dummy,"

"I'm in, and just so you know, a dummy is a type of doll,"

"Well then, you'd better not be one,"

"I'm not, otherwise I would probably scare myself every time I looked in a mirror,"

"You probably already do," Malfoy mumbled. Harry punched him.

"Hey!" Malfoy yelled as he crashed back into a table covered with stuff, mostly swords.

"Well it's a good thing you had that stupid helmet to protect your big head, though I suspect your thick skull would probably do the job just fine,"

"I do not have a thick skull!" Malfoy retorted. He threw a rock, which Harry ducked.

"Yeah you do," Harry answered him, "Something has to fill the empty hole where your brain should be," Malfoy threw another rock. This time Harry caught it and threw it back, it racketed off of the bikers helmet Malfoy was wearing.

"Why are you wearing a bikers helmet anyways?" Harry asked.

"In case the dolls try and go for my head," Malfoy mumbled.

"Why would they go for your head? Nothing vital there," Malfoy threw another rock.

"Where do you get all these rocks!" Harry asked, ducking.

"I've got a whole bucket here," Malfoy said, picking up a pink beach bucket and waving it around. It accidentally tipped and a large amount of rocks fell of Malfoys head.

"Put the rocks down before you kill yourself," Harry said, "We still have to get the dolls, _remember?_"

"Yes I remember, it was my idea in the first place,"

"Do you have a plan?"

"I was thinking that we just went berserk and used a flamethrower or something," Malfoy mumbled.

"Do you _have_ a flamethrower?"

"Yeah, I did some tests on the best ways to destroy a doll over the summer,"

"Why don't you just use your wand?"

"Cause a flamethrower can spew a lot more fire, so, you have to go out through the hole first and cover me with the bucket of rocks, then I come out behind you with the flamethrower, got that?"

"You get a flamethrower and I get a bucket of rocks?"

"Yep,"

"Why don't you take the bucket of rocks and I take the flamethrower,"

"No, my ass is more important then yours,"

"Your ass is bigger so id make a better shield." Malfoy threw another rock.

"Hey, I have to use those things you know!" Harry said, catching it.

"Well then take the bucket and get moving," Harry grabbed the bucket, he turned and began to move to the passageway, tossing a few rocks over his shoulder. Judging my the thumps and ugghs the rocks hit their mark.

--

"Okay, we're back in the broom closet, now you go out, start screaming and throwing rocks, then I'll follow and go destroy all the dolls," Malfoy whispered. Harry sighed, he got up, peeking through a crack in the door he shuddered. Dolls, dolls, everywhere. He took a deep breath and ran out.

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!" Harry yelled, throwing rocks in every direction. he felt a huge blast of heat nearby and guessed that Malfoy had got out.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!" Malfoy screamed, burning everything in sight.

"The rocks were thrown. The dolls were burned.

--

"Well, I think we did a pretty good job, don't you?" Malfoy asked Harry, as they looked around at their charred work.

"Yep, we sure did a good job," Harry replied.

"Did you two seriously just burn a priceless collection of dolls from all over the world?" Both Harry and Malfoy turned toward the voice. There stood a little girl, no older than five with rosy cheeks and blonde ringlets.

"Um, yeah," Harry answered.

"Ha!" the girl said, "Sweet!" she clapped her hands together.

"Who are you?" Draco asked.

"I am the goddess of pediophobia," the girl replied.

"Pediophobia? What's that? Fear of pedicures?"

"_No_, it's the fear of dolls, and you two _idiots_ have been appointed high guardians, fortunately it's a job that does not require much _thinking_,"

"Sweet, so, now what?"

"Now you have to run around destroying dolls, duh,"

"Sweet,"

"Oh, and by the way, if you run into a girl that looks exactly like me, except that she tells you to stop destroying dolls, that would be my evil twin, just put your flamethrower on her," the goddess of pediophobia replied, "if i let you figure it out for yourselves you'd probably seek out an army of fish or something equally as idiotic," she added, clapping her hands together and disappeared in a flash of smoke.

"Hey, that's a pretty good idea," Harry said.

"Wat's a good idea?" Malfoy asked, confused.

"An army of fish,"

"That _is_ a good idea,"

"C'mon, we need to go find our army,"

The whole world began to shake.

--

"Harry! Harry! Wake up!" Hermione shrieked into Harrys ear. Harry mumbled and opened his eyes slowly. He had been having such a nice dream.

"Harry! Come on! Hogwarts is being attacked by... by _dolls_," she said, "Dumbledore thinks that Voldemort sent them,"

"What? Dolls?" Harry instantly sat up.

"Yes, dolls,"

"Hermione, can you get me a bucket?"

"Yes? Why?"

"I'm going to need it, and make sure it's filled with rocks, lots and lost of rocks," Harry jumped up, still in his pajamas he ran out of the common room and into the hallway where scares students were huddled.

"Harry? Why do you want a bucket of rocks?" Hermione asked. She conjured up a bucket and began to fill it.

"Because..."

"POTTER! POTTER! COME ON!" Malfoy ran up to them screaming. Waving around an odd metal instrument that none of the students had any idea what it was.

"POTTER! YOU HAVE TO PROTECT MY ASS!" Malfoy yelled running past them.

"I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD PROTECT MINE!" Harry yelled, snatching the bucket from Hermione and taking off after Malfoy.

"Hermione! What the _hell_ is going on!" Ron asked, jogging up to Hermione who stood staring blankly after Harry, just as confused ad Ron.

"I have _no_ idea," Some cute little first year with blonde ringlets and rosy cheeks said. A really _young_ looking first year. "And i sure as _hell_ hope they don't actually try and get an army of fish," she added. Making everyone around her even more confused.


End file.
